TILLY IN TOE STUB TERROR

The future of Britain as we know it hangs in the balance today after a potentially deadly stubbed toe was inflicted upon Simon Howard, popularly known as Tilly O’Shea, World Corpora-tion Leader.

The incident happened early yesterday morning, as Tilly climbed the stairs leading to the top-secret World Corporation Head-quarters, believed by many to be located somewhere in Southport, near Liverpool.

The affected area is the big toe on the right foot.

An insider, identified only as ‘Monkey’, exclusively told The Saturn his version of events: ‘Tilly was climbing the stairs when, without warning, he stubbed his toe on the edge of a step – he started screaming and prancing about like a head louse on speed’.

Fortunately, his personal doctor was called immediately, and the small amount of bleeding quickly subsided.

We consulted our in-house medic, Dr Eve Ill, and she told us ‘If Tilly had been a haemophiliac then the injury sustained could have been potentially fatal’.

It is not yet clear whether Tilly’s toe will have recovered in time for the World Cup, but a World Corporation Spokesperson told The Saturn that Tilly, who is widely rumoured to hate football of any form, would probably be able to avoid the television coverage even with his big toe out of action.

The latest reports tell that Tilly is still in shock after his injury, but plans to continue with his world domination schedule for the next few days unchanged.

Topless stars call for ban on stairs to avoid repeat – page 3